I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 149
I think this is what being suicidal often looks like. It’s not a passionate wish to die, it’s just giving up. No longer caring about life, about taking care of yourself, about whether you live or die. It was hard for me to sit in front of my counsellor like this - I’m usually such a people pleaser, that I want to look like I’m putting in a big effort. But I just didn’t have the will any more.
I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 148
I think this is something that a lot of people with depression have experienced. It feels so limiting to have no energy whatsoever for performing even the most basic tasks. I’m usually a very tidy person, so letting my house go - not picking up after myself, doing the dishes, putting away clothes, doing laundry, taking out the rubbish - felt like a real low point for me. I was too embarrassed to have anyone over, but that didn’t matter, because I was hiding away from company anyway. If I needed to see people I would use it as an excuse to leave the house. I was lucky that no one really got any insight into my messiness, so I didn’t feel judged.
Laurie Halse Anderson, The Impossible Knife of Memory